How to Practice Self-Care With Your Finances
Written By: Emma Cook, LICSW, LCSW
As a therapist, a frequent conversation I have with clients is about ‘self-care.’ One of the biggest misconceptions fed to us through media and marketing is that self-care should make you ‘feel relaxed’ or ‘be a moment to yourself’. While going for a walk, running a bath, and reading a book are all wonderful calming, grounding activities, they are often just a soothing distraction from the roots of our stress. Real self-care comes from doing the ‘hard’ work.
What is this ‘hard’ work?
Think: having an uncomfortable conversation with a close friend to set a needed boundary, pushing yourself to do a workout even when you feel like laying on the couch for the rest of the week, processing a difficult feeling through journaling when all you want to do is have a glass of wine and scroll Tiktok.
One of the ‘hard’ self-care tasks that are not discussed as often is managing your finances. Money is THE leading cause of stress in America. Even the word ‘finances’ can make me roll my eyes in disgust at times. Most people hate thinking about money and avoid discussing it at all costs. This type of avoidance directly correlates to a lack of empowerment. When we avoid sitting down and looking at our finances, our stress remains and our disempowerment wins.
So how do we ditch the avoidance and start to feel empowered financially?
Think about how you maintain a healthy relationship with a partner. When you notice something bothering you, you may ask your partner to sit down, have a conversation in which you voice your feelings, state your needs, and come to an agreement about how to avoid this problem in the future. If you are really communicative, you may return to that conversation a few weeks later and check in to make sure you both feel good about the progress made and see if anything else needs to be adjusted.
Every single person has a relationship with money.
From a young age, we learn if money is something to worry about, ignore, something we never have enough of, or something out of our control, along with many other harmful narratives. Most people’s relationship with money is unhealthy in some form or another.
If you had a friend telling you that their partner avoids talking to them, never reflects on their behaviors and takes accountability, and isn’t forthright about their needs, you would (hopefully) tell that friend to run. Just as much as we deserve a healthy romantic relationship, we deserve a healthy financial relationship. Once we think of money as a relationship that requires honest communication, upkeep, and care, we begin to feel empowered with our money.
How do we practically begin to care for our finances?
Set a ‘money date.’
This is a set time each month to communicate with yourself about what you can do better in your relationship with your money. This can be uncomfortable and scary, so use those self-soothing skills to make this date feel better! Put on calming music, get in your favorite comfy sweats, and make your favorite snack.
Check your balances.
Don’t avoid looking at the numbers! Face the fear and take an honest look at the money you have. This is the time to see how much money you have saved, what debts you paid off, and how your investments are doing. If you don’t ever take a look you will lose motivation quickly. This will eventually become a CELEBRATION of the goals you are working towards!
Identify your emotions.
Taking a look through all of your purchases throughout the entire month and taking notes of how you feel about each of those is a practice that helps to reduce future emotional spending and helps you to feel more in control of the way you continue spending your money.
Set goals.
Make them measurable and achievable. This could be anything from ‘Pay Off $200 towards my credit card’ to ‘Open a High Yield Savings Account.’ This is where you put your money needs into action. If you’ve previously set goals this is your time to make small adjustments to keep these goals achievable and realistic in the next month.
How do I mitigate my financial stress outside of my ‘money date’?
While this ‘money date’ can be a huge act of self-care, many of us still struggle with stress outside of this dedicated time. Sometimes, leaning on trusted support to vent about your stress can be a much-needed coping mechanism. If you don’t feel comfortable or supported by others, addressing your financial stress in therapy is an excellent way to face the shame and embarrassment that often prevents us from reaching out for support with our loved ones.
There are many unhelpful narratives we need to unlearn and therapy can be key in this process. Additionally, researching tools and resources to help you learn more about money and finances is another helpful self-care practice. A mantra I often share with my clients is, “I am learning this for the first time. I cannot expect myself to be an expert”. This freeing mantra allows you to let go of the idea that you ‘should’ already know how to do financial self-care.
Begin Working With Therapists in DC
Our team would be honored to support you in learning new self-care skills and overcoming financial stress. We are happy to offer support with both in-person and online therapy services. You can start your therapy journey with our Washington, DC-based practice by following these simple steps:
Schedule a consultation with us using our contact form.
Meet with one of our skilled therapists.
Start coping with stress in healthier ways!
Other Services Offered At The Sterling Group
Our team understands there are a variety of mental health services that may impact you and your quality of life. This is why our counseling practice believes in healing for the whole self. Our skilled therapists offer a range of services related to your healing including couples therapy, self-esteem therapy, trauma therapy, and self-discovery. We help folks struggling with anxiety, depression, life transitions, executive function, and ADHD struggles. Additionally, we can provide boundary-setting therapy, LGBTQ+ therapy, life transition therapy, as well as individual counseling for relationship issues. We hope that you’ll reach out to us to get started with counseling and we can’t wait to hear from you.
