5 Intimate Date Ideas to Try This Valentine’s Day and Every Other Day of The Year
Written By: Michele Chichizola, LGPC
As a relationship therapist, I spend a lot of my time helping my clients navigate the highs and lows of romance. One of the most common complaints that I hear is that their relationship is missing intimacy. If we’re being honest, after the initial honeymoon phase of a relationship, those feelings of addicting closeness achieved through initial discovery begin to dissipate, and we’re left forever craving the connection that once existed. We’ll often question, “where did the excitement go?” or “what changed?” The truth is that in the early stages of a relationship, our bodies are flooded with all of the feel-good chemicals and hormones.
Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Adrenaline all fuel our systems leaving us feeling warm, infatuated, and lustful for more. The more we become settled in our relationships, the more our bodies settle, and the addiction to one another often becomes a memory. The good news is that the connection doesn’t need to end with the honeymoon phase. We can always create that same feel-good, leaving you wanting more experience with intimacy. Another hard truth is that Intimacy 101 isn’t exactly part of the academic education curriculum in grade school, l and many of us don’t really know what it means.
Intimacy is a closeness that grows out of a place of authenticity, care, and connection between people.
On the surface, many of us associate intimacy with physicality. It’s not wrong, but it’s also not a comprehensive definition of the word. The four main forms of intimacy include physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, mental/intellectual intimacy, and spiritual intimacy. Together, the combination can transport you to those feelings that once were and take your relationship to the next level.
True intimacy takes time, effort, and intention to develop. It’s also an experience that often needs to be created and invited into a relationship. Try out these date ideas to introduce some intimacy into your relationship.
Try Something New
You may have heard of Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages”. While Chapman does a great job of summarizing ways in which people express and receive love, I always believed that there was an important sixth, lesser-known language: shared experiences. Many of us love novelty, and the brain chemicals that come with it; Experiencing something for the first time with a partner not only peaks our neurotransmitters but also fosters an opportunity for sensorial and mental stimulation. It creates chances for sharing and active listening that are crucial in forming intimate connections.
Night of Favorites
On the opposite side of novelty is nostalgia. Choose something that you would label as a “favorite” and share it or experience it with your partner. This could be a movie, food dish, book, class, museum, etc. Provide context about your first time experiencing this favorite, highlight the parts that you find particularly magnetic or awe-inspiring, and share stories about the times that you have turned to this favorite for comfort or joy. Studies show that we typically gravitate towards art or experiences that move us emotionally. Sharing this with a partner creates an opportunity for them to truly see and understand you in all of your authentic emotions.
Play Date
There is so much to be said about the power of scheduling a play date as an adult. Yes, I mean the type of play date that we see think of parents scheduling for their children. Think about activities that you enjoyed as a child and do them with your partner. Engaging in an activity that brings out your inner child is not only going to be fun and a great stress reliever, but it can also be intimate. Sharing your inner child with your partner gives them an opportunity to meet a part of you that they don’t typically get to interact with. This is a great way to activate that discovery process that exists in the honeymoon phase and gives our partners the opportunity to fall in love all over again.
Game Night
It’s all fun and games. We’ve already established that we love to play. Setting up a game night is a great way to try something new, bring out your inner child, and laugh. I recommend creating space to introduce games that are particularly catered to relationships that can be mentally, emotionally, and sometimes, physically stimulating. As a therapist, I love the insight that comes out of a good question, so I tend to prefer question card decks that are specifically designed for developing closeness in relationships. But, there’s an abundance of games made specifically for couples that are a quick internet search away.
Home Spa Night
A good spa night is all about the sensory experience. Go all out light your favorite scented candles, set up some mood lighting, put on that playlist, bring in textured blankets and pillows, and have yummy snacks out, and the massage oil on hand. Be intentional about creating an environment that stimulates all five senses where you can pamper each other. This creates a fantastic opportunity for conversation, touch, and bonding that generates mental, physical, and emotional intimacy.
Want to take it a step further and try for spiritual intimacy? Schedule some time for a meditative grounding exercise and co-regulation practices, like extended eye contact or a long hug. This date is guaranteed to get the oxytocin flowing and leave you feeling relaxed, present, and connected.
No matter which activity you choose to try with your partner, remember that intimacy is a choice and requires intentionality. Try to go into the date grounded, with an open mind, and ready to get vulnerable. The more honest and present you are with your partner, the tastier the connection will be, and before you know it you’ll be creating intimate bonding experiences on a regular basis.
Begin Working With A Couples Therapist in DC
Sustaining intimacy in your relationship is much easier said than done. Our team of caring therapists can help you and your partner connect on a deeper level. We are happy to offer support with both in-person and online therapy services. You can start your therapy journey with our Washington, DC-based practice by following these simple steps:
Schedule a consultation with us using our contact form.
Meet with one of our skilled therapists.
Start improving the strength of your relationship!
Other Services Offered At The Sterling Group
Our team understands there are a variety of mental health services that may affect your life. This is why our counseling practice believes in healing for the whole self in addition to couples therapy. Our skilled therapists offer a range of services related to your healing including self-esteem therapy, trauma therapy, and self-discovery. We help folks struggling with anxiety, depression, life transitions, and executive function and ADHD struggles. Additionally, we can provide boundary-setting therapy, LGBTQ+ therapy, life transition therapy, as well as individual counseling for relationship issues. We hope that you’ll reach out to us to get started with counseling and we can’t wait to hear from you.
