Therapy for Setting Boundaries
Know you need better boundaries but unsure of where to start?
Do you find yourself taking on more than you can handle at work or school in hopes of being perceived as a hard worker? Or being overly accommodating of others’ needs – even if in conflict with your own – in order to be a “good” friend or family member? How about struggling to say no out of fear that you might disappoint someone or change their opinion of you? If so, you may need more effective boundaries!
What are boundaries, and why do we need them? !
By definition, boundaries show where one thing ends and another begins. Personal boundaries are the rules, limits, and expectations we set in order to communicate how we want to be treated. These are determined by every person’s specific values and needs. Setting limits not only protect our time and our energy but also helps us preserve and sustain our relationships. Without boundaries, we can feel stressed, depleted, over-extended, anxious, depressed, or even resentful. Developing healthy boundaries can improve the way you feel about yourself, your relationships, and the world around you.
When you think about setting boundaries with the people or things you care about, it may feel mean or harsh, but that’s just a myth that our people-pleasing thoughts tell us! In reality, boundaries allow us to have healthier relationships with ourselves and others. We can’t be there for others if our own cup is empty! Knowing our limits and what we have the capacity for is one of the most important aspects of self-care. Healthy boundaries allow us to acknowledge our worth and needs, as well as improve our self-esteem and overall well-being.
Types of Boundaries
Physical boundaries include your needs and limits regarding personal space, privacy, and touch, as well as taking care of your body’s needs with rest, sleep, food, water, and exercise.
Emotional boundaries include limits around how much you are capable of taking in emotionally, when and how to express your own feelings, and limiting time with people or experiences that are emotionally draining.
Sexual boundaries are your needs and limits related to sexual activity and include what you enjoy or do not, establishing consent, and saying no to what you do not want.
Time boundaries include how you manage and spend your time and how you allow others to use your time. Challenges with time boundaries lead to struggles with things like self-care and work-life balance.
Intellectual boundaries include your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. What you think deserves to be expressed, respected, and valued!
Material boundaries relate to your possessions and belongings, including how you expect them to be treated and limits around sharing.
Examples of Healthy Boundaries
Leaving a social engagement early because you are tired or socially drained.
Telling a friend that you’re not in a space emotionally to hear her vent and connecting her with someone else who can.
Discussing your preferences and plans with your family before a vacation.
Have a conversation with your supervisor when you feel you have taken on more than you can handle at work.
Saying no when you feel uninterested or uncomfortable.
Taking breaks from social media.
Scheduling alone time or turning down plans to rest and recharge.
What gets in the way of setting the boundaries we need?
No one is born a “yes man” or a “people pleaser”! These habits are learned and reinforced throughout our lives. As children, we are often taught that we should do as we’re told, or that it’s selfish, rude, or impolite to express how we feel or what we need. Being agreeable or making sure that others were happy could have also kept you “safe” in a chaotic home environment. Boundaries become even more difficult to establish when our inner critic tells us that we don’t deserve to share how we feel or have our needs met.
As a result, even as adults we often struggle to put our needs first or to say no because we want to make sure that the other people around us are happy. You may feel worried about what will happen or how you will be perceived if you express how you feel or turn down a social event or a task at work. These fears and a tendency to prioritize others’ needs over our own can cause us to take on more than we can handle. We can help by implementing boundaries that help you prioritize the things that matter most.
The Sterling Group’s Approach to Therapy for Boundary Setting
The Sterling Group therapists have firsthand knowledge of how important yet challenging boundary-setting can be. We are here to help you learn to identify what limits are needed in your life and when, and how to effectively put them in place. We will support you in understanding the thoughts and feelings that come up when setting boundaries, learning to cope with the discomfort that inhibits you from establishing these limits and taking steps to effectively communicate your needs and boundaries to others.
Through boundary-setting therapy, our clients report less burnout and increased feelings of self-empowerment, confidence, and comfort with assertive communication. Our team utilizes evidence-based practices, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to understand and address challenges with boundary setting. By incorporating these interventions into our sessions, you will develop more awareness of the thoughts and feelings that affect your ability to enforce boundaries, and learn how to challenge these beliefs in order to communicate your needs at the moment in order to improve your mood, sense of self, and your relationships.
Ready to Begin Therapy for Boundary Setting in Washington, DC?
Learning to establish healthy boundaries can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone! One of our therapists will partner with you to develop the skills necessary to confidently exercise boundaries in all areas of your life, personal, professional, and relational. If you’re ready to start working on healthier boundaries, let’s get started with these steps.
Schedule a consultation with us using our contact form.
Meet with one of our skilled therapists.
Start creating boundaries to eliminate burnout and low self-esteem!
Other Services at The Sterling Group
Setting boundaries can bring up past trauma and current anxiety, and our therapists get that. So, we offer a multitude of services to support you. Our individual services include support for relationship challenges, depression, anxiety, and exploring identities as well as executive function support and EMDR Therapy and IFS Therapy. We also offer couples therapy for those that are looking to grow in their relationships. We would love to chat with you today about the ways we can support your growth at our counseling practice serving the Washington, DC area, and Online Therapy in Virginia!