IFS Has Entered the Chat

A young woman sits on a ledge overlooking the city representing the self-reflection and understanding that comes with IFS Therapy in Washington, DC.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) model has been revolutionizing the therapeutic world for the last 30 years and has more recently made it into the mainstream. As an IFS-informed therapist, there’s a part of me that finds it devastating that this healing and life-changing modality is just now gaining traction. IFS is experiential in nature, and this holistic approach allows an individual to get to know the different “parts” or “subpersonalities” that exist within their internal system. The idea is that each of these parts works together to form the complete system of you.

Each Part Holds It’s Own Persona

IFS holds that these parts each hold their own persona. Their own emotions, motivations, memories, behaviors, beliefs, and they have all been birthed out of life experiences. One of the many ways I have seen the ground-breaking nature of IFS at play is even the paradigm shift it creates for folks when they may come to therapy saying “I’m just an anxious person”. IFS reframes this concept that there’s a part of you that’s anxious. That part may have been birthed out of an experience that happened when you were much younger, and these parts hold the wisdom of your past. IFS allows us to get to know our parts through a non-pathologizing, compassionate lens.

The Parts Party

A young woman runs past a wall with a bright yellow face painted on it representing the picture of ourselves that is explored in IFS Therapy in Washington, DC.

So, what are our parts? Our parts are broken into three different categories. Protectors, which aim to do just that, protect. These parts work to shield us from difficulties, life challenges, pain, and/or traumatic experiences. Then, our managers. These are the parts that try to steer the ship and keep things under control. Next, we have our Exiles. These are often the little ones inside of us wrought with the task of carrying unresolved emotional pain and past traumas.

Over time, these parts have become the leaders of your internal army. They forgot that you showed up here in life school as whole, complete, and deserving of love and deep fulfillment. Life experiences have forced parts into existence. No baby is born thinking “I need an Ivy League education in order to be good enough”. But, there have maybe been overachieving, or perfectionistic parts, for example, that formed this belief system. The idea of IFS is that we work on the parts-to-self relationship to allow our parts to more fully trust our “Self”, and eventually work toward Self-leadership of our inner system.

Let Me Take a Self-ie…

No, not that kind of selfie. In IFS, Self-energy is the very essence of who we are. It’s who you were before the world told you who to be. If you’ve ever had that cart at the grocery store with the wheel that’s stuck, that’s how your system drives when you’re being led by parts. However, when self-leadership is steering, you’ve got the freshly oiled wheels, baby! Everything runs more smoothly, your inner wisdom, inner calm, and higher intuition are guiding you. The goal of IFS work is to be more Self-led.

“C” Things Clearly

IFS operates under the premise that Self-energy is in every single one of us. Our parts make up the whole, but Self has the bird's eye view of everything, it can see the Gestalt (fancy psych language for “the whole”) of everything more clearly than any one of your individual parts. The decision you make from your anxious part may look very different from the decision you’d make from Self-energy.

How do we know if we’re in Self-Energy? While the deeper healing of IFS comes with time, slow is fast in this process. There are some poignant ways to try to access Self-energy through the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership. We know we’re in Self when we’re in these 8 Cs, in the absence of them, there is almost always a part present. While this process comes with time, and often the guidance of a skilled IFS therapist, these 8 Cs can be relevant to anyone.

The 8 C’s of IFS Therapy

A young black woman sits on a black couch in front of a red wall representing someone who has healed on a deep level with IFS Therapy in Washington, DC.

Calmness

In Self-Leadership, this C surrounds a state of inner calm, regardless of outer chaos. It’s the ability to remain serene and grounded regardless of external stressors.

Curiosity

Self-leadership elicits almost a childlike state of curiosity. It’s non-judgmental and in this C of Self-leadership, we can remove our own agendas of how someone else should act or behave. There’s an inherent curiosity about others and the deeper world around you that allows you to show up more fully with yourself and others.

Clarity

The clarity of Self-Leadership allows us to see things as they truly are. This is an unfiltered view of reality, where we don’t choose our own filters and judgments of how we think things should be or look.

Compassion

This C allows us to show up with care and kindness for the world around us. When we’re in Self-Leadership, we are more compassionate toward the pain and suffering of others, as well as ourselves.

Confidence

When there are parts present, we proceed with caution. When in Self-Leadership we proceed with confidence. There’s an inner-knowing that we are competent and fully capable of navigating life’s inherent challenges.

Creativity

Self-leadership allows our creative energies to run freely. When in parts we may be insecure, and bashful about the things we say or put out into the world. Self-Leadership embodies the humor, creativity, wisdom, beauty, and chutzpah that are inherently within.

Courage

This C of Self-Leadership allows us to navigate challenging situations or life’s difficulties with a courageous heart. When the Self is in the driver’s seat, we choose courage over fear.

Connectedness

Self-leadership holds that we are all inextricably linked to one another. Parts have developed instilling otherness, or a separateness that is oftentimes an illusion. The healing work of IFS allows for reconnecting to Self, and others in an adaptive and healthy way.

Take a Deep Dive Into Self-Understanding and Healing with IFS Therapy in Washington, DC, and Online in Virginia.

IFS is a modality for anyone looking to do the deeper healing work, and having an understanding of their parts, and how they came to be, eventually getting back to a place of Self-Leadership. It’s with these 8 Cs that we can begin to understand the healing pathway back to Self-Energy. If even a *part* of you believes the transformational healing of IFS may be right for you, reach out to The Sterling Group today for a free consultation, and to see if one of our many IFS-informed therapists may be the right fit for you!

Schedule a consultation with us using our contact form.
Meet with one of our IFS therapists.
Begin your journey towards reconnection with yourself!

Other Therapy Services at The Sterling Group

At our Washington DC-based therapy practice, we understand the parts of yourself developed out of protection and help you to reconnect with your true self. With IFS therapy, we can help you to move towards healing and inner balance. That’s why we also offer other therapies to empower you on your journey. Our services include therapy for relationship challenges, therapy for developing identities and self-esteem, depression treatment, therapy for stress & anxiety, as well as executive function support. We also offer couples therapy for those who are looking to grow in their relationships. We would love to chat with you today about the ways we can support your growth at our counseling practice serving the Washington, DC area and Online in Virginia!

Beyond Talk Therapy: Using IFS to Unlock Your True Self