A Washington, DC Therapist’s Guide to Chronic Loneliness: A Universal Condition Plaguing One of The Loneliest Cities in America, and Tips to Help
Written by: Michele Chichizola, LGPC
I am consistently coming across headlines and videos about DC being one of the loneliest cities in the United States. Not once have I found this either confusing or surprising. As a DC therapist, my days are filled with more than water cooler dialogue- and at some point or another, the conversation veers toward the topic of loneliness. Psychology Today, reports on three types of loneliness while other research describes over 100 different iterations of loneliness. Though multiple types of loneliness can be interesting to learn about, my takeaway is that loneliness is so heavily researched because it is such a universal experience. While current data supports about 50% of Americans report experiencing loneliness, I can’t help but wonder how many folks opt out of sharing about this other manifestation of a global endemic.
Why Is This Important?
The CDC recognizes loneliness and social isolation as a public health risk for Americans, with BIPOC, immigrant populations, and members of the LGBTQ+ community being at greater risk. Loneliness is associated with a higher risk of depression, anxiety, dementia, heart disease, stroke, and even premature death. Our chronic loneliness is affecting us both emotionally and physically.
We are social beings. We simply cannot survive without connection. Historically, all of our ancestors gathered in groups for survival. Having a community was necessary for safety, division of labor, stress reduction, and other forms of support. We are built to crave and thrive through social connection.
Socialization and Stress
Socialization is one of the most effective treatments for stress. We live in a society with a chronically heightened stress condition. Our nervous systems are constantly activated due to fear induced by stress, trauma, work conditions, etc. The safety that we access in a community is not only the safety in numbers but also, the safety that comes through the co-regulation of the nervous system. Simply being in someone else's company can send chemicals communicating safety through your system by inducing oxytocin, affectionately termed the “hugging drug” as it’s released through physical connection with others. Developing and maintaining authentic connection and community can create opportunities for deeper relationships, expression of self, and movement through dance, joy, leisure, and laughter; all of which can be both relaxing and healing.
The fact that DC is one of the loneliest cities in the country is so concerning, and a cause for curiosity. Wouldn’t you think that if there is so much loneliness, all of the lonely people would get together and form more community? Maybe in a perfect world, but the truth is that so many of us don’t know where to start. Here are some helpful tips for addressing this chronic condition in whichever city or space around the world you may be experiencing loneliness:
Get Awkward and Get Real
Making new friends is hard and weird. Creating friendships as an adult after years of a global pandemic and teleworking is even more challenging after social skills that once served may have atrophied over time. Trust that conversations may get awkward, and embrace the suck of the process. In reality, many of us are in the same boat. We have forgotten how to socialize, we are awkward, we are weird, we hate small talk, and the list goes on. Trust that others are lonely, too, and have the same interest at heart: creating community and authentic friendships. There may be some pauses in early conversations and that’s okay! Honestly, an awkward pause can be a great opportunity to get a little vulnerable with someone new and build a relationship that is both socially and emotionally validating.
Start With Your Interests
One of the benefits of living in a big city is that we have access to so many activities. There are multiple parks, museums, art galleries, coffee shops, creativity-based classes, community gardens, volunteering opportunities, and a convention center welcoming niche communities from all over the world. Identify what you love and start there. Because we are beings built for connection, we are attracted to people who are authentic, passionate, and expressive. Contrary to every young adult movie from the 80s and 90s, the class “nerd” was actually the one who had the courage to be vulnerable and open about their interests and find a connection in the ability to be more fully themselves.
DC Rec Sports
The DC recreational sports community is so big that it deserves its own category. If you have lived in this city for more than a month, chances are that you have seen someone walking around with a colorful t-shirt branded with one of the multiple DC rec organizations. There is truly a space for every type of community and skill set. There are co-ed leagues, LGBTQ+ leagues, leagues for lifelong competitive athletes, and leagues for people that are in it for the happy hour specials. These leagues run year-round, and you can sign up as an individual, small group, or team.
The Internet
It is entirely possible to be physically alone without being lonely. I know, my millennial inner child can hear my parents and teachers lecturing me about internet safety. The reality is that the internet is a great space to get involved and feel connected! While in-person is best to access the physical benefits of social interactions, you can absolutely create a sense of community online! Just like in-person, start with your interests. Are you a fan of a certain television show, book series, board game, sports team, etc.? There is an internet community for that.
Multiple social media platforms are hosting messaging threads, fan pages, and gaming spaces that are open to like-minded people. If behind the screen isn’t your thing, you can still use the internet to build connections that eventually lead to safe in-person interactions. In addition to websites intended solely for meet-ups, many social media users are creating spaces for public meet-ups around the city. Some of you may have seen a massive group of young adults on walks over the weekends, guess what, they met online.
Feeling lonely and need a little help getting started? We’ve been there and we’re happy to help.
Begin Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues in Washington, DC
Learning to connect with others is much easier said than done. Our team of caring therapists would be honored to provide support in navigating chronic loneliness and cultivating deeper relationships. You can start your therapy journey with The Sterling Group by following these simple steps:
Schedule a consultation with us using our contact form.
Meet with one of our skilled therapists.
Start making the most of the holiday season!
Other Services Offered At The Sterling Group
Individual counseling for relationship issues isn’t the only service The Sterling Group offers. Our team understands there are a variety of mental health services that may affect your life. This is why our counseling practice believes in healing for the whole self. Our skilled therapists offer a range of services related to your healing including self-esteem therapy, trauma therapy, and self-discovery. We help folks struggling with anxiety, depression, life transitions, and executive function, and ADHD struggles. Additionally, we can provide boundary-setting therapy, LGBTQ+ therapy, and couples therapy. We hope that you’ll reach out to us to get started with counseling and we can’t wait to hear from you.
